The 6 People You Meet in Bars

On the lookout for someone new? Here’s a field guide.

By Rebecca Schoenkopf for MSN City Guides

Your mother is always kvetching that you’ll never meet anyone in a bar. As usual, your mother is so, so wrong. In fact, bars are second only to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings for sexy people like you who are on the prowl, and we, for one, are all for that. (Both thats: the prowling part and the AA part, should you find you can no longer drink like a gentleman.)

After you’ve explained to Mom that singles mixers at your church are full of Christians, malt shops are fictional (they probably never existed at all), and the libraries where folks used to meet cute are now home only to the homeless, go ahead down to your friendly neighborhood pub, knock back a couple cups of courage, and keep your eyes peeled for the future Mr. or Mrs. You.

The Breakup Party
We have all been the breakup party, taken out on the town by our loved ones for the attention that salves a battered heart. In my case, that entailed shaking my badonkadonk to Missy Elliott’s “Work It” with a flashing red light (cadged from some Jaeger girls) affixed to the front of my buttonfly jeans. When girls break up, they go dancing; when men break up, they go only to strip bars, so unless you’re a stripper you’re not going to meet one. But if you are a man, be on constant lookout for a breakup party; these girls are a very good time indeed. While her friends talk empowerment nonsense about being better off without him, and that girls’ night is for girls, our determined-to-get-over-him lass knows she’s going to go home with someone (and she knows she’ll only vaguely regret it). That someone she only vaguely regrets should be you.

• Likes: Shots. Tequila, Jaeger, Alabama Slammers or a Fuzzy Nipple, you buy it, she’ll drink it.
• Dislikes: Closing time.
• Downside: Will throw up in your car; will fall in love with you and stalk you.
• Upside: Did you or did you not get her home?